Narrator: The legend you are about to hear is true
Only the needle should be changed to protect the record

St. George: This is the countryside
My name is St. George
I'm a knight
Saturday, July 10th. 8:05 pm
I was working out of the castle on the nightwatch
when a call came in from the Chief
A dragon had been devouring maidens
Homicide. My job: slay him

St. George: You call me, Chief

Chief: Yes, the dragon again, devouring maidens
The King's daughter may be next

St. George: Mmm-hmm. You got a lead

Chief: Oh, nothing much to go on.
Say, did you take that .45 automatic
into the lab to have them check on it

St. George: Yeah. You were right

Chief: I was right

St. George: Yeah. It was a gun

8:22 pm. I talked to one of the maidens
who had almost been devoured

St. George: Could I talk to you, Ma'am

Maiden: Who are you

St. George: I'm St. George, Ma'am
Homicide, Ma'am
Want to ask you a few questions, Ma'am
I understand you were almost devoured by the dragon, Ma'am
Is that right, dragon

Maiden: It was terrible.
He breathed fire on me
He burned me already

St. George: How can I be sure of that, Ma'am

Maiden: Believe me, I got it straight from the dragon's mouth

St. George: 11:45 pm. I rode over the King's Highway.
I saw a man. Stopped to talk to him
Pardon me, Sir
Could I talk to you for just a minute, Sir

Knave: Sure, I don't mind

St. George: What do you do for a living

Knave: I'm a knave

St. George: Didn't I pick you up on a 903 last year for stealing tarts

Knave: Yeah, so what
Do you wanna make a federal case out of it

St. George: No, Sir. We heard there was a dragon operating in this
neighborhood.
We just want to know if you've seen him.

Knave: Sure, I've seen him

St. George: Mmm-hmm. Could you describe him for me

Knave: What's to describe. You see one dragon, you seen 'em all

St. George: Would you try to remember, Sir
Just for the record
We just want to get the facts, Sir

Knave: Well, he was, you know, he had orange polka dots . . .

St. George: Yes, Sir

Knave: Purple feet, breathing fire and smoke . . .

St. George: Mmm-hmm.

Knave: And one big bloodshot eye
right in the middle of his forehead and,
uh, like that

St. George: Notice anything unusual about him

Knave: No, he's just your run-of-the-mill dragon, you know

St. George: Mmm-hmm. Yes, Sir. You can go now

Knave: Hey, by the way, how you gonna catch him

St. George: I thought you'd never ask. A Dragonet

3:05 pm. I was riding back into the courtyard
to make my report to the lab
Then it happened. It was the dragon

Dragon: Hey! I'm the fire-breathin' Dragon
You must be St. George, right?

St. George: Yes, Sir

Dragon: I can see you got one of them new .45 caliber swords

St. George: That's about the size of it

Dragon: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. You slay me

St. George: That's what I wanted to talk to you about

Dragon: What do you mean

St. George: I'm taking you in on a 502. You figure it out

Dragon: What's the charge

St. George: Devouring maidens out of season

Dragon: Out of season
You'll never pin that rap on me
Do you hear me, cop

St. George: Yeah, I hear you
I got you on a 412 too

Dragon: A 412
What's a 412?

St. George: Over-acting. Let's go


Narrator: On September the 5th, the Dragon was tried and convicted
His fire was put out and his maiden-devouring license revoked
Maiden devouring out of season is punishable
by a term of not less than 50 or more than 300 years